Friday, July 15, 2016

I am Sorry

I've been keeping things to myself. Like really I've always keep things to myself that there were times where I felt like I couldn't bear with it anymore. There were times when I thought I'm actually have gone mad and crazy and over-depressed and stressed out that lead to some psychological impairments. At times I felt like I'm supposed to be committed to an asylum.

These past few days, I've cried so much. I've cried inside. I've cried inside countless time. I've cried my lungs out.

There is this one person. Who used to hurt me countless time. Now, he's going to get married soon. And that's okay for me. His life now is nothing for me to care about.

But, I've no idea. All that I can think about now is, the guy, the one guy who've hurt me, who once cheated on me, who once take me for granted, who used to broke my heart into pieces with bad and hurtful words, who once belittle me for who I am, who made me think that I am the worst girl, who once put a blame on me without reasons, who call me names and he is who never ever say "sorry" to me and at least trying to apologize.

And now, that guy is going to get married and seems that he is so in love and is going to live his life happily with the one he loves.

Every little things happened, every memories, good memories, bad memories, every bad things he have said to me, every bad things he has done, I can't help but to remember all of them. I even have a box of stuffs containing our memories. I tried, I've tried so hard to forget everything or at least one memory about him. Yet the more I tried, the more I get hurt and the more I hate him.

Ladies and gentlemen, the reason I write this post, I guess this emotional post this time is not just to tell about the bad things one has done to me. I don't really know how to put this into words.

But until now, I guess, the only thing that I need to hear is a "sorry".

Please, people. If you ever done all those bad things to others, if you ever hurt one soul, of course you've hurt at least one soul don't tell me that you should be called a saint because you've never hurt anyone. We were all once there. We are. Please, if you ever done that, never hesitate to say sorry. You never know how meaningful a "sorry" is to those brokenhearted souls because of some bad things or even bad words caused by others. A sorry might save a suicidal person. Please, I beg you to ask forgiveness from the ones you've hurt.

A "sorry" might never heal wounds, but it might be the only thing that people who've being hurt wanted to hear. At least, they would feel that those who've hurt them are actually feeling bad for doing that.

This kind of thing, may lead to a forgiveness and healing. Think about it.

Up till now, I can't figure out how to forgive you, because you've never ask me so.
I've hurt so much I became the most heartless girl.
This kind of weird but, I am sorry I can't forgive you yet.