Wednesday, May 03, 2017

How do I get this stronng

I just feel like crying.Yes. Crying my lungs out. Crying so hard, as long as I can. Crying myself to sleep. Crying till I can barely breathe. Crying just to let everything off my chest. I just want to cry.

But I can't.

I have no idea why. I am just a person who can't easily cry. It is so hard for me to cry over things, be it small or big matter. I can only cry when I'm in pain. And when I started to cry because of the pain, I will started to cry over things that I've been keeping inside for quite so long.

At times, I just can't figure out. Do I don't easily cry because I am too strong or, is it because I am just a weak girl who can't easily show to people how she felt inside.

am I too strong to cry?

And if I am too strong, what made me being this strong?

I am the only daughter of my family. I only have a brother. You know, at times, people would go and say "you must be such a spoil girl who would get anything that you want", "your parents and your only brother must've done almost everything for you" and the judgments gone too far bit by bit.

Unfortunately, people, things aren't as easy as you thought they were.

Being the only daughter of my family, in fact, has taught me to always try my best to be the most independent girl on earth. There are times when I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to. Not even my mom, not even my girlfriends. And I don't have any sisters that I can share what I've always wanted to share with. I only have myself.

Being the only daughter of my family. What more if I only have a brother. I need to always be alert of what my parents wanting me to do this and that for them, alone. At times, I just don't have a time to think about my own self. All I have to do is to put everyone else before me. Because that is all I need to do at the end of the day. To not be selfish. To always make others happy, even if I am not.

There are times, when I just hold everything and keep everything to myself. At one point, I just can't hold it and I would just burst out into tears.

Now, how do I get this strong? To always keep things to myself till all I do is holding my tears. Thus, made me the one who would never cry over things easily.
I just can't cry at the moment. Even I am just so sad. Only God knows how I feel.

But then, what if I can't easily cry because I am just too weak?

How do I get this weak?