Why Istikharah?

Assalamu’alaykum peeps! HAIIIIII *insert excited reaction.jpg. *sigh. How long has it been? Hm.

Now, why do I write about istikharah? I don’t know. I just feel like writing about istikharah. Perhaps due to one particular event that had recently happened to me. And I just felt like, this is the time of my life, where all I need is “istikharah”. To be honest, I’ve only had performed istikharah for once before this (when I was in my secondary school) and I can barely remember the reason of my istikharah back then (sorry not sorry :p).

Now, for another time, I felt the need to do istikharah. Because I’ve come to the point where I felt so miserable of my own thoughts. Though I need to make one important decision for my life, I felt like my mind, most of the time was being elsewhere and nothing I felt is right. I couldn’t make any good and right decision. I just felt the need of full reliance on others, of Allah’s guidance to be exact. Yeah, I realised that now, the answer is, do istikharah.

That is why, ladies and gentlemen, the reason why I decided to write about istikharah now (from my point of view) after ages of not writing about anything (sorry not sorry, again :p).

So, what is istikharah? According to The Islamic Light (2014),

“The word Istikhara directly means, to ask Allah to guide one to the right sort of action concerning a job or deed. 'Khair' means good (asking Allah to guide you to the good or right answer). Meaning, you're not asking Allah to show you a vision, through a dream”.

Okay. For the first time in forever, I did a proper quoting for my post luls okay.

So, based on the definition above, we all know what istikharah means. It is basically the thing you’ll do to guide you in making decisions. Now, I am not going to talk about how we are going to be guided by istikharah or how to perform istikharah. I am just going to talk about why. Why istikharah? Of all decision-making methods/techniques in the world, but why istikharah?

Well, I guess, as for us Muslims. Istikharah is not really a decision-making method but it is a part of the process of making a good decision. Well you cannot just do istikharah alone to make one particular decision in your life right (?). The reason of one does istikharah is because they feel the need or want to be guided by The One that they believed to be al-‘Alim and al-Hakim. He is Allah, al-‘Alim and al-Hakim.

I do believe that in order to make a good, right and best decision for any great deals in life, you’ll always need istikharah. But before that, you should reason yourself of why you need istikharah. This is what I’ve been doing throughout my life so far. Whenever something came up and forced me to make a decision from a complex choice, I’ve always put istikharah as the last thing that I’ll do to complete my decision-making process. Nope. It is not that I refused to Islamising my decision-making process or not to referring to The All-Knowing to guide me in making a good decision.

You know, whatever things we do and we face in life, God already destines it. Everything has already planned for us. The thing is we will never know the truth. We will never know of what is the best for us. We might know what is good and what is bad but we might will come across one phase in life where the thing that we thought a good and right thing in the first place turned out that it was not really the best thing for us and the bad thing or bad decision is not necessarily going to bring the bad outcomes in our life.  

Now it depends on us, of how we could make a decision that will, at least decrease the probability of having a not-so-good outcome later on. In addition, the fact that, even anything that comes to us, like our instincts or helps from others or any books and online posts that we read or from our own observations of this world, those are basically from Allah. So the idea of putting istikharah as the last thing that I’ll do in life in making a decision, from my viewpoint, it is not because I put Allah aside in my life. It is because, I first, need to reason why should I perform istikharah. Was I already had a deep thought about that particular issue? How important was that issue? Was I minimised the choice and whatnot, to make things easier for me and others? Did I already do istisharah regarding the deal? Yea. Istisharah. Also a part of decision-making process I suppose. 

What is istisharah? It is basically when you ask a person who is an expert or knowledgeable or at least someone you trust that could give you some good ideas regarding the istikharah subject you wonder. I've come across few readings about which one should comes first; istisharah or istikharah? For me, it does not really matter of which one comes first. But how you try your best in making a good decision based on the 2 methods. Personally, I would prefer to do istisharah first. Then only I'll do istikharah (if I feel the need to). But note that istisharah and istikharah should complement each other especially when you are in the state of you could not even think right about making a good decision.

Now, this has come closer to the topic of "Why Istikharah?". I believe that whatever confusions we had in our mind, there must be reasons behind it. Perhaps, the confusions you had could be solved with you doing some readings about the issue or doing istisharah with others. It might be you have not yet in the state in which you are in need of istikharah to make a decision. You know, people, some might performed istikharah not only because they felt the need or wanted to be guided by Allah, but simply because they felt like they need to do it. Just because. Or simply because they had this thought where "istikharah" is a must in the process of making a decision. 

But the thing is there also some kinds of people in which #1 when they performed istikharah, they are full aware of the outcomes they might get; like the answers and the aftermath of deciding one particular thing. And even if it turned out that their decisions were not the best at the end of the day, they could just accept the fact that this, is part of their life; making a right or wrong decision that may affect their life. And #2 those who performed istikharah with the idea that, whatever decisions they will make after that is the result of the istikharah they have performed in which the objective is to make the best decision. So, when things started to be the way that they did not wanted it to be, they might blame the fate. Or worse they might have lost faith in God.

Those of #2 are the type that we should avoid of becoming one. That is why. Ask ourselves, why istikharah? Should it be a must in every decision-making process? To what extent you would rely on istikharah and have faith in whatever decisions or state God will put you in after you do istikharah? But one thing's for sure, Istikharah really going to help you a lot in making a very important decision that will later affect your whole life. As long as you have a fine level of tawakkal or faith in Allah and you know that no matter what, you could always accept your own qada' and qadr without questioning this and that in a bad way later on. 


Leaving you with that, I would love to remind you and my own self. Whatever outcomes that we may get after those decision-making process, even if things go the way we would not want it to. Always know that, He, Allah, al-'Alim and al-Hakim always and forever has the best plan for us.

Disclaimer: This is not necessarily about marriage luls bye.

AMEEN

I am Sorry

I've been keeping things to myself. Like really I've always keep things to myself that there were times where I felt like I couldn't bear with it anymore. There were times when I thought I'm actually have gone mad and crazy and over-depressed and stressed out that lead to some psychological impairments. At times I felt like I'm supposed to be committed to an asylum.

These past few days, I've cried so much. I've cried inside. I've cried inside countless time. I've cried my lungs out.

There is this one person. Who used to hurt me countless time. Now, he's going to get married soon. And that's okay for me. His life now is nothing for me to care about.

But, I've no idea. All that I can think about now is, the guy, the one guy who've hurt me, who once cheated on me, who once take me for granted, who used to broke my heart into pieces with bad and hurtful words, who once belittle me for who I am, who made me think that I am the worst girl, who once put a blame on me without reasons, who call me names and he is who never ever say "sorry" to me and at least trying to apologize.

And now, that guy is going to get married and seems that he is so in love and is going to live his life happily with the one he loves.

Every little things happened, every memories, good memories, bad memories, every bad things he have said to me, every bad things he has done, I can't help but to remember all of them. I even have a box of stuffs containing our memories. I tried, I've tried so hard to forget everything or at least one memory about him. Yet the more I tried, the more I get hurt and the more I hate him.

Ladies and gentlemen, the reason I write this post, I guess this emotional post this time is not just to tell about the bad things one has done to me. I don't really know how to put this into words.

But until now, I guess, the only thing that I need to hear is a "sorry".

Please, people. If you ever done all those bad things to others, if you ever hurt one soul, of course you've hurt at least one soul don't tell me that you should be called a saint because you've never hurt anyone. We were all once there. We are. Please, if you ever done that, never hesitate to say sorry. You never know how meaningful a "sorry" is to those brokenhearted souls because of some bad things or even bad words caused by others. A sorry might save a suicidal person. Please, I beg you to ask forgiveness from the ones you've hurt.

A "sorry" might never heal wounds, but it might be the only thing that people who've being hurt wanted to hear. At least, they would feel that those who've hurt them are actually feeling bad for doing that.

This kind of thing, may lead to a forgiveness and healing. Think about it.

Up till now, I can't figure out how to forgive you, because you've never ask me so.
I've hurt so much I became the most heartless girl.
This kind of weird but, I am sorry I can't forgive you yet.

AMEEN

Hijab and Changes

Assalamu'alaykum!

It's always a pleasure to write on blog again! I mean, I have no better place to write on things that I would really love to talk about and is re-readable in the future. Because I'm a girl with a bad handwriting, I'm so serious lah mannn.

Such a bad and ugly handwriting will automatically turns my excitation to write into a "i have to stop writing now" mode. So, that is no good. While I really need somewhere, a platform where I can write the things that happened or my own thoughts that came across my mind which I really wish to not forget. Which I feel like I need this thing in the future. So, here is where I pour my hearts and minds to.

I started blogging since I was 13. And trust me, I used to have more than 5 blogs before. Back then, when I was 13, when I was still a so-called a kid or a teenager which is going through a phase of growing up and wanted to discover as many things as I can. I used to write whatever I wanted on my blog. As far as I can remember, I didn't even filter what I've wrote. I mean, I just wrote it the way I wanted. I told almost everything that happened in my daily life. I've said the things I shouldn't sometimes. I expressed my feelings about people on my blog, about the things that I like or hate about them, everything have been written on my previous blogs. Well, I've deleted all of my previous blogs hoping no one will remember about the things I've said and wrote (bcs I used to have few of loyal followers back then if I could say ;P)

But things have gotten a lot different as I growing up. I learnt about things that I should or should not tell people in real life as well as I learnt how important it is to know the limitations of the things I would love to share or would like to write on my blog, facebook, instagram, twitter, etc.
Thanks God, He showed me the way I should take into account about the things around me.

Now, back to the topic, hijab and changes. Basically I just wanted to share how Hijab really change my life.

I started to wear a proper hijab since I was 16, I guess. Covering the areas that really need to be covered. I have to admit that I was not a full-timer as a hijabi back then as there are few times that I don't wear hijab when I'm in the presence of the males who are not my immediate family like my male cousins or my aunts' husbands. (And I'm still struggling to wear a proper attire and be a full-timer as a hijabi until now.) Before that, I can say that I only wear a proper hijab and a proper muslimah attire when I was at school. But I used to disagree to wear a proper attire outside of the school like a looser dress or a longer tudung or shawl because it kind of burdening. For me, it was a burden. But Alhamdulillah, somehow, I can't remember when did I decided to don a longer and looser dress. I ended up to be used to it until now. I'm not comfortable anymore to be in a tight dress.

Then I started to think, what was the reasons and what is the significance to wear hijab? I mean, yeah, that is what Allah has command to us, as Muslim, to really cover our 'aurah regardless the gender. That is when I started to see hijab as not only a tudung or shawl, for women, neither as a songkok or any kind of dress that covers the part starting the area around the navel up to the knees specifically for men.

Hijab means something else. Not just what we are wearing.

I learnt that hijab is the way we show ourselves to the world. How we supposed to represent Islam. Not to brag. But to preach. To do dakwah. You know that one of the things that people can tell if you're a muslim or not is by what you are wearing. I'm talking about the first impression. Everyone has their own first impressions on things. So it's normal that people can judge you by the way you dress.

Really, Hijab is not just about what you are wearing. It is also what you do and say. It is the way you walk, talk, look and think. It is about who you are and the way you express your way of life. That is hijab. That is why Allah has command us to wear hijab and that is one of the significance to wear hijab and to cover your aurah properly.

With hijab, I learn to control myself on the way I should act publicly. I learn about the things I should say, write and share whether in real life or in the social media. I learn to think as muslim. It doesn't feel good when I know that I'm wearing hijab but still think about the bad thoughts on things or people around me.

With Hijab, I learn to change myself to be a better muslim. And I learn to change the way I write and share about things on social media.

That is our obligation. I love a quote by Fatma Pasha in 99 Cahaya di Langit Eropah saying that with hijab on, she's obliged to show the world what Islam is. She's obliged to act, talk and think as how a muslim should be. Islam is peace. That is how we should represent ourselves.

From the smallest matter to the bigger issues. I know that Islamophobia now has spread so widely and people with this phobia often judge by the attire that one is wearing.

I believe that it is one of our biggest tasks a muslim. To show the world that with Hijab on, regardless you are a muslim or muslimah, you have to act like one. You have to think and talk like a true muslim. That's the only way to change what people think about you. Making sure it's a good change and with even our slightest effort to change to be a better muslim in order to help the Deen of Allah, that is Islam, insyaAllah, Allah will help us too.

Let's be a better muslim!

May peace be upon you.

The Love is back!

Assalamu'alaykum everyone!

huh finally, I can write something on my blog. I really had not much time to switch on my laptop and sign in blogger to write here bcs really hectic days these days. Well, not thaatt hectic it just I'm too busy doing chores that's all ;P

So, here now, it's been a week since the Love is back! Who's the Love?

It's Ramadhan! Ya Allah Alhamdulillah, God still give me chance to enjoy Ramadhan this year. This is a great blessing bcs my last Ramadhan was just...I don't know, I don't think I did well last year. But Allah, He is The Most Merciful, still give me the life to live to actually do tawbah :'( I've sinned a lot :'(

Please pray for me that I will never waste this Ramadhan as how I did in previous years. And I pray that all of our deeds and tawbah will be accepted by The Most Merciful, The Greatest of All, Allah.

Thank you Allah. Thank you for the Love named Ramadhan. Thanks a lot. :')